REDEFINING Discipline for my Self, my practice,+ purpose

My favorite definition of discipline is gentle consistency. This is one that I heard in an interview with Dr. Shante Smalls, who is a meditation teacher as well as a mindfulness and culture researcher.

For a large chunk of my journey into the study and practices of yoga and meditation, I thought that I generally disliked ‘discipline’. I struggled with accepting other people’s definitions of it and therefore, rebelled and... eventually, rejected the idea of it completely, and not for the sake of being a “punk”.

We often hear the word “discipline” used in conjunction with descriptive words like sharp, burning, rigid. These descriptors make discipline sound painful, uniform, and non-transformative. I saw none of these things as conducive to any type of personal growth or development. Plus, I didn’t think I was capable of giving up concerts, waking up at 5am every morning to practice a bunch of injurious looking poses only to eat brown rice and steamed vegetables and go to bed early again. 

I didn’t see a good enough reason - or a promising enough reward - to be so fervent and strict with myself. I had plenty of fun doing my work - and having my cake too. That stringent definition and outlook on “self-discipline”, or as it is called in the yoga tradition, “tapas” (which lives within the Niyamas or inner observances in The Yoga Sutras), alienated me.

I did keep showing up for myself, for my practice. It wasn’t always at the same times on the same days of the week, I wasn’t always early or on time for training or practice, but I did keep showing up. I kept reading, studying, signing up for classes and workshops, and searching. Among my findings were alternate definitions - including one for “tapas” and even the english “discipline”.

“The very heart of yoga practice is ‘abyhasa’ – steady effort in the direction you want to go.”

–Sally Kempton, teacher of meditation and spiritual philosophy

One of the most helpful -and timeless truths- taught in dialectical behavioral therapy is that, “we’re trying our best AND working to do better”.

This truth is also a pillar in the book of Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements as, “Always do your best”. I didn’t realize it at the time when I was reading it, but I now see that as a definition for self-dis- cipline. In my closer yoga circle, my friends and mentors such as Erick DuPree refers to this as “doing the best you can with what you have”.

When I heard Brenée Brown define self-love as a more effective form of self-discipline than self-shaming in a podcast discussing her own work, this concept was reinforced. As I shuffled through papers and swept my apartment late one night after working, listening to Brenée’s sweet southern twang keeping me company at this witching hour, I wholeheartedly agreed.

I was trying my best. I was trying my best to sort through junk at my day job to transform a window-less salvage warehouse into a music venue. I was trying my best to keep the mice out of my food after having given up trying to get them out of my apartment. I was trying my best to make it to yoga class on time seven hours after I got off work, because I knew it would make me a better version of myself when I went back to that same warehouse with two pairs of coveralls on to clean up the frozen beer later that day. I was trying my best.

I agreed: best not to reprimand ourselves for what we aren’t doing. Instead, we can celebrate what we are doing - and keep trying to do better. If I woke up tomorrow still trying to do better, I felt that was discipline enough.

It’s not how we get to the mat that matters or where we come from. What matters is that we keep showing up for ourselves, honoring this time with ourselves, to bring our most authentic version of ourselves to wherever it is we go after class - brunch or frozen beer can clean-up.

This far-sighted viewpoint on discipline which necessitates being gentle, empathetic, and having hu- mility for oneself began to change my understanding and opinion. And it made me less reactive when I failed, when other people let me down, and less reactive in general.

It then became clear that THIS is how one builds the strength and stamina for the “steady effort” por- tion of discipline. I’ve always been more of a tortoise rather than a hare when it comes to anything in life. And now, I see this as part of my discipline. If I am rushed, I do not perform my best. I need time, sleep, fun, and to be fed well in order to produce my best work.

In my experience, I have found both of these aspects (1. being gentle, 2. having endurance) vital to the survival, sustenance, and development of a practice of deep and nonjudgmental self-study.

This definition of discipline does not include strident regulations or burning fervor, hence it does not result in guilt or shame. There are no unrealistic expectations to fall from. This belief is an educated one and the burn is a slow and controlled burn. Shame and guilt, on the other hand are like lighter fluid on top of an already wild trash fire. These emotions are our largest hinderances to productivity, self care as well as surefire catalysts for procrastination or for putting off our spiritual practices. Once we start thinking we’re not worth taking the time to just sit down and just breathe and just listen, there goes the practice. Along with the self-love and self commitment. The War of Art and many other books and teachings share this philosophy but I find that the hardest part is keeping that promise to yourself and getting back up once you’ve been out for a few days or weeks or years.

Discipline is finding one’s own ever-shifting balance of doing and being, taking care of the self and serving others. The path to making life meaningful lies therein.

To me: that’s yoga, and that’s beautiful.

Have humility.

You are good enough.

And other people are too.

Keep learning, keep seeking,

and when you feel isolated or discouraged,

keep defining life in ways that are meaningful to you. That’s real discipline and good yoga.

If we’re trying to do our best in our current set of circumstances and always working to be better

with a sense of gentle consistency, that is enough discipline for me.

And deserving of a party.