Sitting with tension

“Abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love. No one can rightfully claim to be loving when behaving abusively.”

― Bell Hooks, All About Love

I am writing to invite you to join us in breathing, moving, and loving in LOVEpark this Saturday (5/21). Class is free and I’d love to see you. It’s part of the beautiful The Spring in LOVE Multicultural Marketplace - so thankful for @magicmakers_phl for having me back.

TW/CW: white supremacy -

I’d be remiss not to mention the current tension I’ve been finding myself sitting in as I teeter between feeling stuck (read: disgusted/horrified into deer-in-headlights type nervous system freeze-up) and feeling like I want to channel all of my disappointment and heartbreak into great big Aries/Leo rising older sib rage and burn it all down as the horrors of white supremacy feel like they only continue to tighten their grip.

When I finally allow myself to surrender to feeling all of the things, I have another feeling: fortunate that I have the practice of Yoga which taught me to sit right in the middle of that tension. 

To slow it down to one thought at a time and remember that indulging in my privileges of ignorance/rejection/denial/silence/inaction OR being driven by my sense of urgency will only cause more harm.

To see that there are always more options than the first ones that come to mind. And that usually, the first ones that come to mind when I feel scared, threatened, angry, or upset are not my best choices.

I am not sharing this just to tell you about myself and my seemingly sisaphysian journey towards emotional maturity. (Hi, I’m Ash. Yes, I do need therapy, sometimes twice a week.)

But because while sharing Yoga or just talking to people, I hear time and again that folks often feel this way - and they often feel ALONE in feeling this way: thoughts racing, stuck in binary opposition of two (2) less than helpful choices, and/or (self)destructive. 

I hope to share this reminder that our nervous systems are really trying their best to keep us safe - and rightfully so. Here, in our dominant toxic culture, terrifying things happen all the time, every day.

I’m here to remind myself - and you if you also temporarily forgot - that we also have tools, we have practices, and we have each other.

I am not promoting wellness bandaids atop broken systems. 

Deep breathing alone will not solve our problems and thinking it will is bypassing the practice and probably the point of life - we know this!!! 

As a Yoga sharer who talks about wellness all day every day, I simply want to disclose that sometimes, remembering to engage with my practices/tools slips my little mind. And I’m arguing that in this toxic culture, this is “normal”.

The breath, however, can support us as we work to sit in this dynamic tension.

And as we do, we can anchor ourselves in our values and purpose.

As we continue to live out our values, destroy white supremacy, care for + show up for each other - especially when we feel scared, vulnerable, and threatened in the midst of chaos / uncertainty…

We become steadfast. 

As we work towards being better full-time allies/advocates/coconspirators for every marginalized and oppressed person we meet - and those we will never meet - there will be levels upon levels of tension, confusion, and lessons.

It is not easy, but that’s no problem because we appreciate a challenge.

Action is often my antidote for anxiety.

Whether it’s sitting in tension, feelings, crying (in appropriate settings), listening to those around me, informing and educating myself, showing up for a march/action, donating food/money, or signing a petition, being kind and patient - there is plenty we can do even when we feel like there is nothing we can do.

As you make time to sit and breathe through the tension, here are some questions to reflect upon:

Where and how are you feeling tense?

What feelings are pulling you in what directions?

What part of you is speaking the loudest?

What are they/you saying and why?

What will make you feel safe enough to pause?

What value/virtue might this be related to?

What action can you commit yourself to this week?

How can you take care of yourself to continue showing up for each other?

Here’s a link to a 35 min chair-optional meditation and Yoga stretch to support BIPOC if that’s of interest to you.

With firey love,

Ash